About the Book

Experienced mental health professionals and hosts of the Therapist Uncensored podcast offer a groundbreaking new clinical perspective that integrates modern attachment theory, relational neuroscience, and current cultural context to create a hopeful framework for deeper and more permanent change, growth and connection in all types of relationships.

Secure Relating offers a refreshing and innovative approach to understanding and improving relationships in today's increasingly polarized world. Drawing on over thirty years of professional clinical experience, authors Ann Kelley, PhD and Sue Marriott, LCSW, CGP integrate modern attachment theory, relational neuroscience, and depth psychology into practical tools for deepening self-awareness and navigating closeness with strength in even the most challenging relationships.

Instead of the popular broad attachment categorizations, Secure Relating presents a nuanced understanding of attachment and interpersonal defensive patterns, allowing readers to delve into the complexities of their own experience and apply the specific skills they need.

Refreshingly, Kelley and Marriott make complex concepts accessible and relatable, emphasizing the realistic capacity for neural change and psychological growth. They provide contemporary concepts and interactive tools such as the Modern Attachment Regulation Spectrum, a new framework that helps readers identify their unconscious defensive patterns, update and revise their personal narratives, and cultivate a secure state of mind amid chaos and adversity. 

Secure Relating delivers hope, connection, and empowerment amidst the many barriers to emotional closeness and provocations towards self-protection by offering a comprehensive approach to understanding and transforming all kinds of relationships into more secure and satisfying bonds.

Critical Praise

"Secure Relating hits that magic sweet spot—comprehensive enough to teach seasoned professionals, but clear and practical enough to be useful to anyone. This is the book to hand not just to your clients, but also to friends and family members, along with anyone who's interested in improving their relationships. Which is to say: everyone!" — Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk To Someone and co-host of the Dear Therapists podcast

"Comprehensive, courageous, creative and clear, Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley expertly and compassionately guide us through a deep understanding of attachment and how to rewire our nervous systems toward more secure and fulfilling relationships. This is a cutting-edge essential read for those at any stage of the self-discovery journey who seek to make meaningful changes in their lives. A wonderful contribution to our collective conversation about how to make our shared world a better place for us all." — Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., New York Times bestselling author of The Whole-Brain Child

"Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley are the therapists you wish you had. Their unique approach to expanding the world of healing and health outside of the traditional therapy paradigm is both urgent and necessary. I'll be recommending this book to everybody—just read it!" — Liz Plank, journalist and bestselling author of For the Love of Men

"Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley present an insightful clinical approach that seamlessly combines the rich history and extensive background of attachment theory with cutting-edge neuroscience. Their work underscores the critical role that trusting relationships and interpersonal connections play in fostering both mental and physical well-being. The authors illuminate how this pursuit can be derailed by trauma, adversity, marginalization, and systematic stress. Offering an optimistic roadmap, their book outlines a healing process to overcome these challenges." — Stephen W. Porges, PhD, Professor of Psychiatry and bestselling author of The Polyvagal Theory

"In a wonderfully welcoming and engaging style, Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley offer a deep understanding of attachment and the possibilities for secure relating. With colorful writing and extensive real-world examples, readers develop a practical ability to recognize patterns of attachment in ourselves and others and to make changes that will benefit us, our relationships, and the larger contexts in which we are all embedded. I highly recommend this book for an enjoyable, informative, and practical read, and a journey that honors the individual and collective." — David S. Elliott, PhD, clinical psychologist and co-author of Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for Comprehensive Repair

"This engaging, growth-promoting book skillfully brings the power of attachment theory to the reader's personal life." — Alan Sroufe, PhD Professor Emeritus University of Minnesota and author of A Compelling Idea: How We Become the Person We Are

“A terrific book…Marriott and Kelley do a marvelous job of explaining how the brain works and providing tools for secure functioning, which can hold you steady even in an era of high anxiety and division.” — Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, cofounder of the PACT Institute and bestselling author of Wired for Love 

"An incredibly wise and immediately useful book, Secure Relating empowers readers to improve their relationships with themselves, their partners, and their children. Marriott and Kelley’s compassionate, authentic tone, combined with powerful analogies and illustrations, takes their gift for translating clinical and research knowledge to a new level." — Tina Payne Bryson, LCSW, PhD, New York Times bestselling co-author of The Whole-Brain Child

“If you have longed for a book that explains modern attachment theory and interpersonal neurobiology in engaging and accessible language, Secure Relating is it! Marriott and Kelley have given us a readable, captivating summary of the best insights from relational neuroscience, together with detailed, practical steps about how we can deepen our intimate connections and help improve the world. This book is clear, rich, humble, wise, moving, challenging, and inspiring. I’m better for having read it and am going to recommend it highly to all my friends and psychotherapy clients.” — Stephen E. Finn, PhD, president, Therapeutic Assessment Institute, and author of In Our Clients’ Shoes

“Secure Relating is densely packed with information about attachment security, synthesizing a variety of theories into an easy-to-understand model. It provides an in-depth understanding of how attachment works, told in a relatable manner with plenty of examples. The authors' consideration of how attachment interacts with biological, social and cultural factors is truly impressive." — Kristin Neff, PhD, co-founder of the Center for Mindfulness Studies and author of Fierce Self Compassion

“Secure Relating welcomes the reader to the nuances of our biological programmed attachment dance with wisdom about managing the bumps and crevices when the dance does not go smoothly. Sue Marriott and Ann Kelly's...compassionate approach is built on the best contemporary attachment theory and neuroscience and provides the secure base needed to tackle the challenge of discovering lost pieces of our cherished self and transforming relationships. I look forward to recommending this book to colleagues and clients.” — Carol George, Professor Emerita, Mills College, author of Working with Attachment Trauma

"Drawing on modern attachment theory and relational neuroscience, Marriott and Kelley look at how unconscious defensive patterns can be transformed into conscious strengths. An encouraging guide to a healthy mindset." — Kirkus Reviews

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Product Details

• ISBN: 9780063334557
• ISBN 10: 0063334550
• Imprint: Harper
• On Sale: 04/30/2024
• Trimsize: 6.000 in (w) x 9.000 in (h) x 1.060 in (d)
• Pages: 352
• List Price: $29.99
• BISAC1 : FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS / Love & Romance
• BISAC2 : PSYCHOLOGY / Interpersonal Relations
• BISAC3 : SELF-HELP / Codependency